Oneshot: Disgraced Servant
by onlysesshomaru26
Summary: She was a girl with a difficult past, being raped and then disowned by her parents. Now that's she's Sesshomaru's servant, she will do anything just to get back to her son. She's sharing her story with Kagome and Sango in the beginning


**_Enjoy!_**

**_I do not own any of the InuYasha Character...I only wish that I was that brilliant._**

* * *

"I'm a disgrace, and it's totally not my fault." I started as I looked into the eyes of my audience. "A little over a year ago, I was raped by a demon. I know completely nothing about him besides the fact that he was a full dog demon and that he was handsome, though I don't really know how he looks. I seemed to have lost memory of who did it, but not the act itself."

I took a deep breath as I thought back to that dreadful night.

"I was walking home from bathing in a nearby spring, when a youkai attacked me. I didn't even see him coming, it happened so fast. I tried to fight him off, but I soon learned that it was no use. He was just to strong, being almost twice my height and very fit. My only choice was to just lay there and let him take away the only thing that I thought I had control of."

"He was gentle yet rough. I know thats a little contradictive, but it's true. He never hit me, though I could of swore it was coming, and he laid me on the ground instead of pushing me. Everything else was done with little to no mercy. It seemed as if he was enraged or something, so I thought maybe he saw me and decided to take out his fustrations on me, though I don't justify it one bit."

"When he was finished, he did something, that I neither saw nor felt(my eyes were closed and there was a weird pause, probably the reason I don't remember him), and then he was gone. He had left me completely naked, lying on the cold hard ground in the middle of the night. I tried to find my shredded clothing in hopes of some coverage, but it was too dark, too late, and I was pretty sure he had discarded them elsewhere. I felt degraded, my integrity ripped away from me."

"I was in pain, and bleeding from my once sacred area. Whoever had taken me had done some major damage, because I could barely walk from the soreness I felt. Every step took as much effort as I could muster."

"As I walked home, the previous event replayed in my head over and over, no matter how much I tried to push it away. Him on top of me, vigoriously and mercilessly pushing deeper and deeper inside of me for hours, silencing my screams with a kiss. Sharp pains of humiliation and shame shot through my stomach like heatbeats. There was no doubt that I was traumatized, but I was refusing to cry about it, though my tears had other things in mind."

"I stepped into my home without a word to my parents, who sat there and stared at me. They didn't have to say anything, the question was in their eyes. I avoided eye contact with them, as well as speaking to them. I don't really know why I didn't tell them what happened. I guess I figured at the time that they wouldnt believe me because I always found sympathy for youkai, whereas they despised them. Then again parents are supposed to believe you when you tell them something right?"

I looked down at my feet and let out a weak laugh, trying to avoid tears. This was a little hard for me since I havent spoken of it since it happened.

"Not too much later, I discovered that I was pregnant. When I told them, they immediately disowned me and sent me on my way. I desperately tried to explain that I had been raped, but I guess it was a little late for explanations. They would hear none of it. They simply called me a lyer and pushed me out of the door."

"Alone. That's the only word I can find to explain how I felt, yet even that isn't good enough. No one knew that feeling but me. I wandered around for six months until I found a village that would accept me. They never asked why I was alone or who the father of my child was, but I guess that worked out for the better. I wouldn't have told them anyway. I worked like any other woman in that village, I mean, that was the least I could do. In the process I made a friend, maybe a best friend. Cho was there since the day she met me, and helped me out any way she could. I think she felt bad for me, something I didnt want, but what can I say, everyone in that village felt bad for me."

"When my baby, Taiyo, was born, my happiness returned to me. My curse became my blessing. He was the only reason that I knew he father was a dog youkai and handsome, very handsome. I never really thought much of myself, so I figured he definately didnt get his looks from me. His silvery, white hair and golden eyes were enough to confirm that for me. What else could I do but love him. He was mine, though not concieved voluntarily."

"The fact that I haven't seen him in five months is killing me. I became so attached, so overprotective of him that I never let him out of my sight. He went everywhere that I went."

I took another breath, lowered my head, and looked at the two girls in front of me again. I could see that they were waiting for more, so I was going to give it to them.

"One day," I continued " I had needed to wash some clothes in the river, but Tai, as I call him, had a bad cold, and wouldnt stop crying. Cho offered to watch him while I was gone, but I wasn't too sure about that. She insisted, and I eventually gave in. Afterall, she was the only person I could really trust, and if I didn't wash clothes that day I wouldnt have anything clean to wear the next day. I was only planning to be gone for about two hours anyway."

"By the time I finished my clothes, it was almost completely dark. I grabbed my clothes and headed home, only to be confronted by a swarm of demons before I was halfway there. Where they came from, I still don't know. I shrieked and ran for my life, but they were gaining on me. I tripped like an idiot, and slightly twisted my ankle. I knew that I was a goner so I closed my eyes and waited for my demise. Too bad it never came. I peeked one eye open and the demons were gone. I forced myself to stand up, but as soon as I did, someone knocked me out."

"Fear is the only emotion that had the nerve to grace me with it's presence when I awoke. The room I was in was completely dark. I thought I was alone until I heard someone whimper on the other side of the room. I called out 'Who's there.' and waited for a response."

"A girl, who looked to be about two years younger than I, scooted her way towards me. I couldn't see her that well, but I could tell that she had been crying. I asked her where we were, and she informed me that we were in some lord's castle, and that we were to be sold off in an auction in the morning. That was how he made money."

"My world collasped. It was as if life had it out for me, and I couldn't find a reason for it. I couldn't just up and leave my baby behind. He was only about three weeks old at the time. At that very moment, I broke down. Things had just begun to get a whole lot better for me, and now this."

"In the morning, two men came into the room and chained both me and the girl, then led us outside to a huge stage. It turned out that we were not the only ones for sell. There were at least eighteen other girls of all ages lined up beside us."

"I looked into the crowd and saw all types of demons and humans of different ranks and status. I watched the girls weep as they were sold and then led away by there chains. One girl looked like she was only abour eight years old. I hoped that when my turn came, the audience would find me repulsive, and whoever was in charge would just let me go. Not likely, especially since when I glanced into the crowd, I saw many lingering eyes on me."

"I dreaded every minute that I had to wait until it was my turn, and my freedom was taken completely away from me. Then, I knew, I would never see my child again."

"That time finally came, and I was pushed to the front. I closed my eyes and hummed a song my former mother used to sing to me as a child, a single tear rolling down my face. I ignored all the shouts of growing prices until the man who held my chain shouted sold. My eyes shot open when he yanked my chain and handed it to a little green imp. The thing was hideous, his voice not being any better."

"He yanked my chain and then led me away. I glanced back at the staged and noticed the girl from before was up next. I never knew her name."

I looked up at the people nice enough to take me in as one of them. I laughed. They were really into this story.

"Me and this imp walked for miles in silence. I had nothing to say. I didnt want to say anything. This imp was going to be my master for who knows how long, but thats not what made me cry. I cried because I would never see my son again. I just hoped that he would be raised properly."

"Finally, we got to where I believe we were headed. I saw a little girl, about six or seven, sleeping against a giant two headed horse. What I saw next made my heart stop completely. I stopped dead in my tracks. There was this beautiful youkai laying against a tree. He had his eyes closed, so I thought he was sleeping. I was wrong. The little imp yanked my chain forward, screamed something, and the youkai's eyes shot open, looking directly at me as we neared him."

"He never took his eyes off of me, and I never took my eyes off of him."

"The imp started speaking again, unfortunately, and I learned that I was brought for this dog youkai to watch Rin, the little girl, for him. The youkai never said anything. Never asked my name, never said thank you to the ugly green imp. He just got up and left. The imp immediately released me from my chains and followed."

"It would seem that they trusted me a little too much. Big mistake, because as soon as they were out of sight I ran, even though I didn't really know where I was headed. I got to the point where I just couldnt run anymore, so I found a place to rest and laid down. My eyes weren't closed for three seconds before I heard a rustle in the bushes. I opened my eyes and found the youkai, my new owner, staring down at me. I could tell he was furious."

"He grabbed my long raven hair and yanked me up by it, then slammed be back into a tree. Words cannot explain the pain I felt at that very moment. We exchanged glares and then he said 'I thought you were smart enough to figure out what is expected of you. Apparently, I was mistaken. Run away again and I will personally make sure that you suffer tremendously for it.' He let go of me, and started walking away, I guess expecting me to follow, but I just stood there. He calmly said 'Jun.' and I froze. How did he know my name? I realized that rather than to piss him off more by disobeying him and making my stay with him a lot worse, I should just give in and follow him. Obviously escape wasnt a option for me."

"That was the last time that he spoke to me for weeks, which I guess was the best for the both of us. I quickly learned everyone's names and how to address them, though I really didnt find the need to use them. Well, there was an exception, and that was Rin."

"Though she could never replace Tai, she become something like a daughter to me. She was my only companion since Ah-uh couldn't speak, I didn't want Master Jaken to speak, and Lord Sesshomaru refused to speak."

"Rin became a joy to me, we becoming so close so quickly and all. She was so innocent, so happy all the time that it was hard for me to be mad at her if she did something wrong, which was very rare."

"Lord Sesshomaru had left me in charge of raising Rin, since I guess he wasn't able to himself. He was always walking off without a warning, staying away for sometimes days at a time. I figured maybe he was tending to important business."

"I eventually came to respect him, and I'd like to think he respected me too, though you could never tell with him being so hard to read. No words, became very few words, like when he would get ready to leave he would say something like 'Jun, watch Rin.' as if I didn't already know that was my job."

"Rin admired him to the fullest, and always spoke of him, so much until I found myself admiring him also. My fear of him slowly deteriorated, though I knew not to cross him. I had seen him kill way too many demons to not know what he was capable of."

"Though I didn't realize it for a while, I was his responsibility just as Rin was. I started thinking maybe he cared for me, if just a little, but definately not as much as he did Rin."

"The day he saved me from a overgrown youkai confirmed that. I was bathing, when the youkai decided to make his presence known. I screamed, of course, and like magic Lord Sesshomaru was there. He slayed the demon with one swing of his claws, then looked straight into my eyes. After almost a minute of staring, I willed myself to say thank you, but before I could speak he had turned around and was walking away."

" I would be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him. I couldn't help it. Every moment I spent around him made me fall for him even more. It was everything about him, not just his looks, though that had a huge part in it. He was graceful, calm, serious, powerful, mysterious, yet somewhere in there he had room to care for a human child, even though he claimed he hated humans. He had this aura about him that demanded respect, and he never settled for things that were beneath him, which is the main reason that I erased any thought of a romance forming between us."

"There wasn't a day that I didn't think of Tai. I wondered how he was doing, how big he had gotten, if he remembered me... I was obsessed with trying to find a way to get back to him but escape, as I said earlier, wasn't a option. Though Lord Sesshomaru was away a lot it was impossible for me to leave. He had my scent, which meant that no matter where I ran or how far, he would always find me again."

"One day as I watched Rin chase a butterfly, I thought of Tai, and tears automatically came to my eyes. Though I had been doing very good so far, I could no longer hold back on how I felt about the situation. It was too much. Rin noticed me crying and approached me, asking me what was wrong. I remained quiet."

"That's when he spoke again. He said 'Rin go with Jaken to find food.'

"Jaken started to protest, but Lord Sesshomaru shot him a glare that shut him up. They left along with Ah-Uh, leaving me and the stoic Lord alone."

"I've never been a assertive person, being more conservative, quiet, and observant of the things around me, so we sat in silence for a while. I knew he wanted to know what was wrong, but we all know that he wasn't going to come out and say so. I finally gained enough courage and spoke. I said...well mumbled "Lord Sesshomaru...', but I got no response. So, I tried again, but this time I got straight to the point. 'Lord Sesshomaru, I have a son. He's just a baby. Please, allow me to find him and I promise I will return.'

"He kept his eyes closed and said 'No.'"

"The only thing I wanted, my only wish, was to be reunited with my son, and I was denied it. I never did anything to anyone, never asked anyone for anything, yet I couldn't have the single thing that was rightfully mines, the one thing that would make me happy. I'm not the type to beg but I had to plead a little. 'Please.' I said."

"Still with his eyes closed, he said 'You're place is here, and that is where you will remain.' Needless to say, I was furious, and ready to throw a temper tantrum like a toddler. I sprung up, and took one single step forward, but his eyes shot open and landed on me, freezing me in my place."

"My common sense returned to me as I stared at him for a while. His golden eyes were fierce and mesmerizing, and I soon had to snap myself out of what seemed like a trance. I lowered my head, and stared at the ground. "But, I've done everything you've asked. I haven't caused any problems. The only thing I want is to see my baby again.'"

"I could tell I was irritating him, but I didn't really give a damn. When he denied my request again by ignoring me, I gave up and sat back down."

"After that night, I tried my absolute best to avoid him. He had made me feel somewhat ashamed for begging like that, and I often found myself not able to look him in the face. Every once in a while, though, I did catch him glancing my way, but that was really the only contact I had with him, if you could call it that."

"I lost all hope of ever seeing Tai again. Soon, I forced myself to stop thinking about it, as painful as that was. I became more and more depressed every moment that I spent traveling with Lord Sesshomaru and his group, until I stopped eating and stopped speaking to even Rin."

"I became so weak until one day I collapsed. I woke up next to a river, Rin dabbing a wet cloth on my forehead."

"I looked at Rin first, who turned her attention to something on the other side of me then got up and walked away. Curious, I turned to see who caught her attention. I saw Lord Sesshomaru hovering over me, furious."

"He picked me up by my throat, holding me up in the air by one hand. He said 'I don't have time for your foolishness. You are testing my patience onna. If you want to die so badly, tell me and I'll do the job myself.' He then dropped me and walked away."

"I lowered my head out of anger. It was his fault that I was acting this way. (yes I'm blaming him) The next thing I knew, some meat dropped in front of me. I looked up and realized that it was Lord Sesshomaru who had dropped it there. 'Eat. We are leaving as soon as you finish.'

"I reluctantly obeyed as he stood in front of me and watched my every movement as if to make sure I ate every parcel. Just like he said, as soon as I finished we were off again."

"Three days later, as soon as Lord Sesshomaru had walked off again, I was captured by the hanyou Naraku. You all are, of course, familiar with him. He took me and left Rin, thankfully, but I still don't know why he did it. Maybe he thought I would be bait for Lord Sesshomaru, as they where clearly sworn enemies. I doubt that Lord Sesshomaru even knows I'm gone."

"I was in a dimly lit room for hours, and then that's when you guys came. You already know the rest. I don't have to explain that." I finished.

"Wow..." Sango mumbled staring at me.

"Yea, that story was something." Miroku added. I hadn't even noticed that he and Inuyasha had joined in to listen to my story, though Inuyasha pretended he wasn't interested.

"Well," Kagome started "do you want to go back to Sesshomaru?"

I paused and truly thought the question over. Sesshomaru was good to me, except for those times when I brought his wrath on myself by crossing him. Whereas most masters were cruel and heartless, Sesshomaru kept me safe, allowed me to travel chainless, allowed me some free time, all as long as I did my job with watching Rin. He showed that he cared about my well-being when I collasped from starvation, and he stood in front of me and made sure I ate all of my food. Although he denied my request to find Tai, he was alright with me.

I smiled. "Honestly Kagome, I like my freedom, but if I had to choose between being out here alone or being with Lord Sesshomaru, I would choose the lord. If you look beyond the emotionless and cruel exterior, you'll see that he's really not that bad."

Inuyasha snorted in response to that. "But, he wouldn't let you go to your son. What's so nice about that?"

"That's true. Very true, but I never said that he was nice. You have to realize that he brought me, and though I don't want to justify it, he's kind of right. Rin, by that time had grown attached and dependent upon me. Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken had depended on me to take care of her while they were off doing whatever they did. Rin needed a motherly figure, someone to raise her the correct way. If I would have left, even with the promise of a return, it would have been very time consuming. Remember, I didn't know where I was or where I would have been going. I would have probably ended up coming back and asking for his assistance anyway, and I know he wouldnt have done that..." I shook my head and stared at the fire.

Once again I was justifying his actions. It's like no matter what he did to me or how angry he made me, I ended up forgiving it later. My attraction for him was outweighing everything else. I've pushed any thoughts of us being together out of my head, but I find them coming back constantly, whether they were just thoughts or in my dreams. If I was to stay with him any longer, I probably would end up falling in love with him, if I havent already.

Like magic Sango said something as if she were reading my thoughts. "Hm...sounds like you are in love with the guy."

I shook my head and laughed. "I wouldn't know what love was if it kicked me in the shin. I'm 20 and I've never known a man like most girls my age have. I should be married by now, but my pregnancy killed any chances of that. Plus, by me traveling with Lord Sesshomaru, its impossible."

"Not really Jun. There's plenty of guys out there who wouldn't mind marrying you...including myself." Miroku said grinning. Sango shot him a glare, but I don't think he noticed.

I smiled. "No, Lord Sesshomaru would not allow that. If he would not allow me to reunite with Tai, what makes you think he'll let me get married. He won't even let a man come near me. Trust me. I know from experience."

How so?" Kagome asked.

"He had left for a few hours, leaving me alone with Rin and Ah-Uh, when two men approached me asking for directions to the nearest village. I didn't even get to chance to reply before Lord Sesshomaru had showed up and almost killed them. If it wasnt for me quickly explaining to him what was going on those men would have been dead. As soon as they left, Lord Sesshomaru told me that I wasn't to speak to any man, let alone let them come near. Then he left again."

"He's really overprotective of you." Shippo said.

"No, I wouldn't say that. If so, he would have found me by..."

"Jun." I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned around and saw Lord Sesshomaru standing behind me. How long had he been standing there? What had he heard?

He caught my eye for a second, then turned around and began walking away. That was my cue. A little shocked, I got up, quickly gave Sango, Shippo, and Kagome a hug, and followed Lord Sesshomaru down the path.

I was excited, yet disappointed. I had enjoy Inuyasha and his group for the short time I was with them, and wanted to spend a little more time with them, but then again I did miss Rin.

The silence, though I should have been used to it, was beginning to get unbearable, so I broke it.

"Sesshomaru..." I said softly and then realized my mistake. Before I could correct myself he had turned around and face me, something I wasn't expecting. I had expected him to just keep walking as usual, but now he was directly in front of me looking down.

I swallowed hard, while holding his stare. I couldn't even say what I wanted. All I could do is think of how gorgeous he looked in the moonlight. Before I knew it, my lips were on his.

At the moment, I really don't have an excuse for my actions, but lets just stay that my body wasn't taking orders from my brain anymore.

The kiss was a quick one, mainly because when I realized what was happening I caught myself and withdrew.

I lowered my head in embarrassment, and tried to walk around him, but to my surprise he grabbed my hand. I looked up in shock. This was totally out of character for someone like him.

He gently pulled me closer, and looked into my eyes again. I noticed something different this time though. His eyes were a lot softer this time. I put my head down. I couldn't look him in the face. He lifted my chin with a single finger, and then he...kissed me. Surprised isn't the correct word for how I felt. I was flabbergasted, no astonished. I dreamed of this moment. This only meant one thing: he felt the same about me as I did him.

The kiss lasted for a while, with my arms around his neck and him carressing my back.

When we finally withdrew, I looked away shyly. He gently grabbed my chin again and made me look at him, then he said something that I never saw coming.

"Let's go find our son."


End file.
